Cold toes or a heart attack

I've quickly edited the monologue to be addressed to Malorie. I may tweek it a bit more before Wednesday

Dear Malorie,

I’ve never heard you cry before. Not even when mom died. You were so strong, too strong.

When I was younger I was never afraid of the unknown. Do you remember when I’d beg you and mom to come play outside with me? I was always the first one to race down the dark sewer line without even wanting a light at the end of the tunnel. And then during the winter, we’d create our own adventures within the house. I remember the first day it snowed. It was much to cold to go outside, so mom made the theme Peter Pan. She drew a secret treasure map that lead to all her old jewelry boxes and our dusty halloween costumes in the attic. I jumped into a a rabbit suit and become a lost boy. I was a first-rate explorer, out to discover all the possible and impossible unknowns.

But then, I lost what I did know. I lost my mom. But I lost more than just my mom, I lost you. And it’s been more than I can bear.

Malorie, my toes are cold. When mom left her toes were warm in two socks, but that’s why the heart attack got her, isn’t it? That’s why I can’t wear two socks, and no socks might be just as bad. Despite being cold, one sock is neutral. What’s worse, cold toes or a heart attack?

I’ve never told you this before. You already think I’m crazy, and maybe I am, but if you are sane, then I’m glad I’m crazy. I’m glad that I can still have fun; I’m glad I can dress up and smile and laugh. You used to be so much fun... You were right behind me during all of our adventures. You had a smile that could cure cancer. Oh, and you were such a beautiful ballerina, and now you don’t even remember. Now, you are a ballerina with her heart broken. You only care about the things that can be known now. I’ve tried to tell you that those things can be lost, but you’ve already lost your curiosity for the unknown. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Love,

Abigail.